From the OP: "Okay, before I even say anything, I am pre-emptively sorry, because I KNOW that this has been discussed, rediscussed, analyzed, reanalyzed, and in general talked about to death all over the internet."

Including YC: http://www.google.com/search?q=(compiled+AND+interpreted)+AND+(speed+OR+ease+OR+portability)+site%3Anews.ycombinator.com